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Sunday, March 01, 2015

Slapped in the face by Facebook

Where to start?? Well over 30 yrs ago my sister Joan decided to alienate herself from Dad and I. I had divorced my 1st husband and with young Danny, moved back home. She was off to college and doing her own thing. Well she decided to get married, Jon, I think was his name, anyway the wedding would be back home in East Meadow, Things went quickly with the arrangements, I got a nice dress and Danny a little suit. He was about 5 or 6. It was an expense because I wasn't working. Well the big day came and after getting us all dressed and ready, she comes in and tells me Jon's ex won't let his kid come to the wedding so there won't be any children allowed. Wow, last minute and no sitter to be found as everyone was going,,,so I stayed home with my son, who couldn't understand why he was dressed up and not going. (goodness the details are all coming back)
Dad waited  few days before telling her it wasn't nice of her to exclude me & Danny. This pissed her off. Her husband was all apologies but she said nothing.,,,Well the marriage lasted less then 2 yrs and she only saw us on holidays when she HAD to. Over the years she dated a few guys, never introducing us to many. She did have a boyfriend at one point who was a black guy. Oh my goodness did she rub that in Daddy's face,back then it wasn't that often you see mixed couples and to tell the truth Dad was kind of a bigot then too. Anyway he said some unkind things and she said unkind things back and from that point on she didn't speak to either of us.
Over time Daddy softened his views on blacks & chicanos.  But she stayed away and wasn't aware of that. Well life went on and we all went our own ways. I married again and dad started dating. It had been many years since mommy died. anyway, dad found a wonderful woman and was planning to marry her, he'd sold our house and moved in with AnnMarie. The wedding was planned and tickets were bought as we lived in Vegas by then. I talked to him one evenng just before the wedding and told hm he should at least send Joan an invite, He said she wont go and we went back & forth on it for about half an hour. Finally he said ok he'd send her out one in the morning. I honestly don't know if he did or not because a few days later he died . 5 days before he was to get married he died....
I called her up at the number I had for her in Texas and told her. She said she would be there for the funeral. Horrible time, horrible time. The airlines let us change flights to go earlier so I could identify his remains and get the funeral arranged.  Horrible time. well she does come to the funeral and I really don't remember all the details except she asked to have his diamond earring which was in his ear. AnnMarie said no, but she could have his watch, she didn't want that. The earring was AnnMarie's engagement gift to him, so she kept that. I remember very little after her argument with Joan. I was numb and didnt do anything to reach out to her, I had lost MY dad and wasn't up to arguing with anyone about anything, especially her.
Over the years I kept writting her and never getting any response ever, But I kept writing, at least once every few months, always for her birthday, always when something big happened in our family. Never heard from her. Every once in awhile I would send it Return Receipt Requested, just to see if she was still alive, we are all getting older so ya never know!
I kept looking on facebook & all those websites that track people, even google mapped her address, which is as I see it the place she works. Then one day I am looking on Facebook again and lo & behold there is a Joanie King, I look at her site and there is her smiling face looking back at me!! A real Oh My Goodness moment, I friend request her and her fb page allows me to "follow" her. I sent a message and rejoice that I have finally found her!! I even copy a pic and post it on my page.  i send a few more messages to her over the next couple months and still no reaction. Looking at her FB I find she has lost her husband, never had kids that I can see but has friends just like everyone else. I guess you could say i stalked her page but I was just looking to see her life. well on the morning of Feb 27 2015 I see the notification that she has accepted my friend request, I am elated!!!  Yaa Im excited but had to go to work. Saturday mid morning I decide to send her a message thanking her for letting me in and there it is, the messages say I cannot reply to this FB user! I put her name in the search bar and nothing.... Found out this is the case when someone blocks ya. What the heck??!! Not even giving me a chance to talk to her, she didn't give me even the benefit of the doubt. What the heck!! Broke my heart,,,I burst into tears,,,why? I am not an evil person but I had some hateful thoughts just then, went on Mark's FB and looked her up, she was not on line, good thing too. I decided to NOT write her thru Mark's page, The good angel on the shoulder won out over the mean devil on my other shoulder.
Did not sleep well last night, tossed & turned till I pulled off the sheets, dreaming all kinds of bad dreams, cried & cried. She is all the family I have left in the world and she still holds on to her anger and malice. Right now I feel sorry for her to be angry for so many years is a heavy burden. I am still mad & sad & hurt.
Wish I could do something about it but I cannot control anyone but myself so I will control myself and go on with my life . I'll think about her once in awhile and maybe write again but not now, I would say things I cannot unsay. For now I am sad & hurt. Sad & hurt. I say "her loss" but it is also my loss, not being able to,,,what be there for her, I don't know.... Hopefully when she passes someone will tell me....

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